Waiting
written by: Jackie Joy
The puff of the cigarette smoke
fills the air
seeps into the clothes
of the unwilling
passer byers
streaming
engulfing the souls
dead from reality

Life not determined
not existence
to be alive

Held hostage
the minds
of yesterday
bind in
300 pgs
textbooks
with glossy covers
black and white
pages
sold for a buck
in the bottom of the dusty box
somewhere in the back
of the garage

i before e except after c

the whistle of the
tea pot crescendo….ing
deafening
a far
in the distance

Heart beats
pump
blood
travel
through the
veins of the
reluctant
filled with
dead
eyes
all stars
gone

held life
in the map
of
whomever
severs
at the hand of
God
.sigh.

Sometimes I feel like I am missing something in my life

I can never be satisfied in the direction my life is going, even if it is going as it is planned. I want to silence this restlessness in my soul and just be free.
just be happy
just be me and be ok.....
it takes time though and everything will be.....
i love jason mraz's cd
i feel like today was wasted....
in bed
dreaming of you
and your strong arms
and of the what if's that will never happen
.....
off to study <3
-----
jackie joy

I want to remember all the good times i used to have with you

I want to remember the feeling I used to get
when my heart skipped a beat
and my adrenaline started rushing
while a big high of ecstasy would then overcome me
just by you giving me a quick kiss before you
would run of to god knows where
or
all the times we would lay in bed together
just cuddling
because we were to poor to go anywhere
and to lazy to get out of bed
or the times
when we didnt argue
we didnt talk
but just sat there
eating
smiling at each other cause we
knew
we just knew
but i cant help to think
i was to naive
to blinded
at the time
cause those were the feelings
that kept me alive
that kept me wanting you
loving you
I was strong
dont get me wrong
but when the bad out weighs the good
and there are more days of sadness
then happiness
you just know
that maybe
just maybe its not worth it remembering all the good times
i used to have with you
.....
free lance.....written in like 4 minutes
jackie joy

I am going to stop wishing

wishing, dreaming, pondering, wondering, are all nice but not realistic to what is going on with my life. There is a definite someone new in my life that I am starting to like more and more everyday, but I can't wish for something more to happen between us because I am tired of disappointment from falling for people who aren't just into me. I am over my ex but I have not forgotten about all he did that hurt me and broke me when I needed someone to help me be better. I have been guarded since the break up, and being very cynical when it comes to men/boys. I am letting go of my crossed fingers behind my back when I am with my crush and just letting go to see what happens.
the last two days were torture, and I am trying so hard not to break completely and go certifiable crazy. family drama is by far the worse drama and because of my past of having two different personalities, one with my family and one with my friends is starting to take a tool on me. But in all reality when I tried to merge both it had ended up being more of a mess and just to much to clean up. I feel like I cant date anyone even casually with all the things that are going on with my life. I wouldn't even date me, let alone ask myself out on a date. This outer shell that many people have seen around me is just protecting myself and everyone else around me from getting sucked into the blackhole that I am already in.
the biggest dork in the greater el paso area
Jackie Joy

there are sweettart chews now...

Fall,Halloween, temperature changes and candy up the whazoo oh how I love the change in seasons, I have recently reconnected with an old friend, we met when we were both young and i was naive and completely and utterly sillier than i am now. I am genuinely surprised in a very good way how we still can talk like we stopped talking two weeks ago and not years ago. As the semester is closing in, I so cant wait till thanksgiving break ....for some much needed r and r! I have been filling up my days with studying, learning, typing, writing, working hard in trying to get good grades. I have made some friends here and I am so grateful for their patience and understanding when I would go crazy over things. Life is hard, its full of ups and downs, but i realized never give yourself ultimatums because if you break them you end up the most disappointed.
Jackie Joy
ps sorry for the short blog im pretty sleepy