If you knew how I really was would you still talk to me?

Ha! This is not really a blog about that, although that is a great subject for a blog. Tricked you didn't I? So I am guessing you are wondering what this blog is going to be about if it was not about who I really was, well this blog is about the movie Love Happens.

Love Happens- Jackie Joy's movie review

thus the ever so corny lovie dovie picture =>

If you guessed that I was going to write about the movie then hooray for you, you deserve a prize which once I get a million and two bucks I will fly a plane or drive a car or walk to you and give it to you, haha.

This movie was a wonderful heartfelt movie, about the reality of the struggles of loosing someone you love from death and trying to move on. Its realistic, in a sense, that the premise of the two main characters relationship is not instant. There is sparks but the relationship that they build is not based on love but on friendship and understanding of each others strength and weaknesses. It is definitely worth the watch and it might seem slow to some but the storyline is not the basic storyline of boy meets girl, boy and girl falls in love, boy and girl argue, boy and girl break up, boy and girl get back together. The simplicity of the story is so basic that it seems truer to what life is. Meeting someone who changes the rest of your life does not mean unquieted love, but really trying to understand that other person, building something that will last a lifetime not something that will last a couple of days. That is what Love Happens is, a film about a boy and a girl who are just trying to figure this thing called life out.

Jackie Joy

Sorry for lack of posts

Sorry everyone for the lack of blogs lately! I know everyone is on their pins and needles wondering what crazy antics I have gotten myself into lately. But things have been pretty mellow on this side of the computer screen and haven't had really anything to report about. I am watching right now the motorcycle diaries while studying for my first exam on monday for government. I have decided that Gael Garcia Bernal is so sexy ....I can just watch him all day!
other movies that he was amazing in were science of sleep and y tu mama tambien.
I want to watch all his movies
yummy
Jackie Joy
PS I'll try to update more regularly =)

The yellow chair finds a home and I found my ultimate bliss!

Here is a story worth telling in all its glory! Earlier this afternoon while I was walking to my bus with Eddie, I passed the little hallway where the little chair was. I was pleasantly surprised, well more like ecstatic to see that the chair was still there. I knew then that the chair and I were meant to be! So I rolled it, with a little help from Eddie to the bus stop where I missed my bus by like street away. Eddie was going on about how people were going to think that I stole the chair, which by the way does not in any way shape or form look like it is worth stealing, so I got on the next bus hoping that the bus driver would let me take the chair onto the bus. I kid you not this is exactly what happened:
Bus driver: Hey, you know that there are chairs available here?
Me: I know, but this chair has a story
Bus driver: I bet it does, well its kinda crowded in the front but you can take it through the back!
Me(thinking yes yes yes!): Thank you so much
I then carry the chair up the steps in the back of the bus and get off the wrong bus stop and roll through this hilly area through the back somewhere by my aunts school. If there were stares I wasn't paying any attention to them, but besides that I got lost. I am the worse with directions, really really really bad with directions. Barrings/ sense of any direction and I are like water and vinegar, like Microsoft and Mac, we just don't seem to get it right. So I am there rolling the chair and asked a student
me: "hey how do you get to ___?"
student: oh, Ill take you
me: thank you
I wasn't that far, well I was far from the front but I figured getting through the back shouldn't be to hard. I carried the chair up this ridiculous long hill to get to a fence that is LOCKED! the fence was locked and these kids were jumping across like they were jumping on a bed. I just couldn't jump across but some kids and I were able to get the chair across. Then comes a teacher and the long awaited interrogation:
teacher: you know its dangerous to jump fences
me: i know
teacher: so is this your chair....
me( he is looking at me like I am a mad women with a crazy yellow chair)- yes I got it from school
teacher: do you go to college??
me: yes, do you happen to have the key to open the fence?
teacher: no are you sure this is your chair?
me: yes it was free
teacher who gave it to you?
me: it was sitting by the dumpster
,.....well you get the point, I embellished the story of how I got the chair but still I thought it was odd I was getting the third degree over a chair? He then goes back inside the school to get someone to open the door and 10 minutes later another teacher comes out who happened to have the key and opened it up for me! He didn't ask one question about the chair or the situation, so sweet, I might bake him cookies!
That was the end of my adventure of getting the chair home and my aha moment has definitely been accomplished.
Jackie Joy

I don't want to remember the details of my past just the feelings of that moment

Feelings and emotions at any given moment in my past hold more precedence in my life then most memories filled with mundane details. However, at the same time,the ones that hurt the most when remembered are the ones tucked away in a little corner of my mind, with a "do not disturb" sign on its door. You know when you close your eyes and you try to get away and think of happy moments in your past, happy moments you want to create and the feelings that you felt at a certain moment and it just makes reality so much easier to deal with. I am trying so hard right now to find that happy moment where I felt complete and ultimate bliss. Who am I kidding, I doubt I ever felt that, the awww yes this is the life moment. I have become very close it to, when I lay in the beach with a book and listen to the waves crash against the shore while I get lost in the book, or when I am with my friends and when we laugh about something, anything until we are rolling on the floor and our stomach hurts from all the laughter, or when I get a phone call from someone I really care about and the instant smile and warmth that fills my soul as I hear their voice..etc.Those moments are dear, dont get me wrong, and I treasure all of them, I really do, but its not it. Maybe I am going crazy, which could really be the case, because I am a bit odd, and all of this searching for oh my god pure happiness moment is silly because it just might be something that only happens once in your life, and I just havent had it yet.Just maybe.
----
Jackie Joy

I come to many conclusions on a daily basis

and since i might forget most of these conclusions or am due to repeat the conclusions i thought it was really good idea to write the ones that have been weighing down on my mind a lot out:

Conclusion number 1- I am in love and love the pirate. and the reality ( don't you just love the word reality and how it just stings and have such a bad connotation?) the reality is I can never tell him. I just want to drift away from all these emotions that are eating me up and forget about it all. I have tried to, but I cant help it, i am like a stupid moth to a flame. Please, for my sake, don't ask me about him or who he is, I am taking the reality at heart and going to move on.

Conclusion number 2- I will never be or strive to be "that girl". I have said it before, that I am never the type to attract people by my looks or grace besides the fact that i lack horribly both. I have become to attached to my core and feel like even if I wanted to change, I would be unable to.
Conclusion number 3-I feel like my life is finally starting to fall into place. I see where I want to go, where I am, and what I must do to get to the final mark of this race. I am happy despite it all. I do realize that emotions do change, and things might become chaotic as life sometimes does but I am willing for the first time in my life to take it on full force and make something out of it.

---
Jackie Joy

there was a yellow rolling chair

there was this yellow rolling chair, sitting idly in a little nook of a crowded school. and on this mustard like yellow rolling chair was a single little yellow post-it declaring "take-me". oh how the chair wanted to be away from that little nook of a crowded school and to feel the warmth of someones bottom on it once again. but its a lost cause because a wondering student who so wanted that chair did not have the heart to pick it up or even touch its magnificent beauty of a chair. she new the implications that would happen if she touched the chair or even sat on it, she was already falling in love with the yellow mustard circa 1980's save by the bell free chair. she saw herself pouring all her love into her books and writing in that chair! but, alas, this relationship would never be because the bus was bound to be to crowded for both the chair and the wandering student. they departed as many do, the chair left next to a over looked file cabinent in a little nook of crowded school and her off to the bus where she thought about the poor little mustard rolling chair all alone ...all alone.
the end
jackie joy

I dont know what direction this blog is going

I am not very talented in chronicling the day in the life of....well you get the point, plus right now with trying not to procrastinate on all my assignments for school, aka, the long tedious papers that are not in anyway fun to write, its hard to have time for entertainment/feelings writing. On top of all that I haven't really had the patience to sit in front of the computer to write anything worth reading or writing. I do though, have some serious thinking to do this weekend. I doubt besides tomorrow afternoon I am going to be going anywhere and most likely going to stay in and be a hermit on Saturday and Sunday. I am in serious jeopardy in becoming very redundant about my current predicaments, I feel it in the pit of my stomach and in the back of my throat the problems slowly but truly regurgitating and wham you will here it all from a to z and back to a! help! I don't want to be that person, that dwells on something so long that it feels like a over picked stab on your hand. I just want to resolve it all, maybe just maybe I am asking for to much here.
I am truly really really really really really really really really really really really sorry to all that have been caught in the current of all my current predictaments, the wave will pass or i hope so anyways...ekk..if not I guess I should say I am sorry ahead of time if you end up in the current.
dont really know where to end this so ill end it in this note:
"it's not love . I have been in love, but this is not the same thing. It is not my feeling, but a sort of force outside myself has taken possesion of me.I went away, you see, because I made it up in my mind it could never be-that such happiness does not exist on earth, do you understand? But I struggled with myself and realized there's no living without it." Anna Karenin-Tolstoy
Jackie Joy

time goes by slowly

oh so slowly
and i have major writers block
dudes
what am i going to do?
lol
dont answer that
jk
jackie joy

poem

I close my eyes
and i see you
driving with your windows rolled down
the stereo blasting in the distant
eyes fixed directly forward
to the paved road ahead
your mind is focused
your body is relaxed
all worries are gone
from your face
I want to stop time
and capture your emotions
and sell it
to all who is willing to buy happiness in a bottle
but you cant buy happiness
you cant buy love
you cant buy life
but people sure as hell try to buy all three
and fail
You are somewhere driving to your next destination
while I'm on the bus going to school
and I hear your voice speaking softly in my head
warming my soul
opening my heart
to emotions I never thought I could ever have again
I sit here writing this poem
and you are somewhere with someone else
to far away for me to want to imagine
I need a new plan of action
because I am to young and naive
the wounds are still fresh from the last
battle i fought for my heart
and being guarded has kept me
cold and my emotions in check
but
I will continue to ride my bus to school
listening to my zune
to drown out my emotions
that I have for you
while you drive your car
I will try my hardest not to
fall more in love with you
then I already am
damn

I love how music

can transform you metaphorically into a different time when things were harder or even yet when things were really good. As I sit here and continue typing, pouring out my random thoughts upon the screen, I think. I think back to the time when I had first put in that cd in to the stereo and how the music engulfed me. Music is a very powerful thing, my constant never failed companion next to books I dedicate this to the power of every keystroke every drum every forte every vebrato every stroke of the bow every blow of the horn. I dedicate this to the ever changing ever the same music of the world. May it inspire you drive you help you through the hard times help you understand the sad times and help you to enjoy the happy times ever more. This is to you music may you continue play on.